Not Letting Go First
by Writeyourheart
Summary: Quick one-shot summing up what had happened in the movie theater when the movie had ended and the lights had begun to start shining again, and the conversation that would have happened after the gesture that moved us all. (Jonnor)


**Hey guys! I loved the Jonnor scene so much on Monday when Jude and Connor had FINALLY locked fingers and expressed a small gesture that managed to show their feelings for each other! But I was disappointed that we didn't get to experience the awkwardness of he aftermath of the gesture, and the conversation and apology leading towards it! Although its quite small, I hope you enjoy it none the less!**

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The second the light had begun opening again, Jude felt Connor quickly unlatch their fingers, afraid of being caught. And Jude had bolted away as well, the sudden separation surprising him, and leaving him with an odd hollowness he hadn't ever experienced before. Jude almost felt as though he had wanted more.

He could still feel the lingering sensation of Connor's rough skin stay on contact with his for such a deep reason. This wasn't a pat on the back, or a quick high-five. They had stayed there, their fingers still locked tightly for the remaining hour of the movie.

Although Jude's hands began getting clammy, he resisted the urge of wiping them onto his pants, fearful that if he'd let go, Connor wouldn't grab it again. Or the fear that he would think that Jude wouldn't want to be in such a situation in the first place. And Jude was too frightened of even thinking of grabbing Connor's hand first. What if he'd deny him, thinking this was a mistake.

Maybe this was just Connor curiosity kicking in. Maybe he just wanted to test the difference of whether he liked the feeling of a boy more than a girl. But either way, Jude liked it. Curiosity or not.

"That was literally a copy of the book on screen!" Daria exclaimed quickly, practically jumping out of her seat. Taylor let out an exhausted sigh, escaping her seat as well. "Yeah, it was great."

Jude had begun realising that Taylor was actually pretty cool. She had this type of let loose, 'I don't really care' type of attitude. She was much less enthusiastic and straight forward than Daria, which kinda shocked him. How could two people so unalike be best friends? But then he realized that he and Connor might as well be the same.

Despite their shared passion for videogames, which wasn't exactly rare between boys, there weren't much similarities between them. Where Jude was more artistic and honest, Connor was athletic and would rather lie than tell the truth if the consequences would be good ones.

"Yeah, I guess the movie was alright," Connor began, looking towards Jude, a smirk evident onto his face. "But I sort of felt distracted." Jude looked down onto the floor instinctively, begging to stand. He could feel the heat on his cheeks and the oddly happy sensation in his heart.

"By what?" Daria asked, smirking as well. She must've thought that he was distracted by her. But boy was she off guard on this one. Connor immediately broke out of his thoughts, and turned towards Daria, lying.

"You, of course," Connor said, practically purring the words like a drunk. And although he knew it was a cover up, Jude couldn't help but feel an odd pang of jealousy in his chest.

Daria giggled sweetly, and Taylor rolled her eyes so far behind her head Jude thought they'd get lost. "We still have about forty minutes until my mom comes to drive us back, we can play in the arcade!" Daria says brightly, tugging at the end of her hair, leaning into Connor who looked slightly uncomfortable.

"That's a great idea," Connor said, smiling. "But first I'm just gonna go to the washroom. Jude, wanna come?" Jude felt shocked. He expected there to be an awkward feel between the two of them now, and that Connor wouldn't wanna talk about it. But apparently he was wrong.

"Sure," Jude stuttered, his eyes darting behind Connor every now and then, not wanting to look into his eyes for too long, afraid that if he did, he'd fall into them. Connor nodded, and together, they made their way to the washrooms as Taylor and Daria headed towards the arcades.

Once they arrived inside, they had noticed the missing presence of other people, and the odd smell of soap and other washing products making the freshly cleaned washroom smell like lime. Washrooms weren't supposed to smell like lime, they were supposed to smell like… washroom.

Connor looked into the stalls, making sure that there was no one there. Jude didn't know what he was doing, all he knew that he felt the energy in the room tense up, and his heart beating much quicker. Finally, Connor turned around and faced the boy, swallowing away an odd lump that had seemed glued into his throat.

Despite the loud ticking of the fans, and Sam Smith playing in the background of the scene, All Connor could manage to hear were Jude's soft breaths and his heartbeat beating profoundly, almost sounding like a song.

"Listen," Connor began speaking lightly, watching as Jude's eyes kept darting around the room, almost as though he were looking for something. "You know, I'm standing right here."

Jude just looked towards the tiles on the floor, then reluctantly, he looked back up towards the boy. His dark eyes seemed as though they could pierce right through his mind, and look through him like glass. "Sorry," Jude muttered, standing awkwardly, leaning against one of the skinks.

"Jude, I'm sorry for what I said," Connor managed, causing Jude to widen his look in suspicion. "When I called you a little bitch, I didn't mean it. I just got angry that you kept telling your parents things, especially about the tent. I just felt like you sort of betrayed my trust." Jude just shrugged and nodded lightly.

"I'm sorry I told my mom, but she had just lost her job, and I felt so bad," Jude admit, his eyes still soaring into Connor's. "I needed to tell her we did something in the tent, but I technically didn't really tell her the truth. I never told her what we really did." Connor felt a smile creep along his face.

"I know," Connor sighed, rubbing his hand behind his neck. "And I'm glad you didn't. My dad would've gotten so angry at me. He'd never let us hang out again, and I just didn't even wanna have to _think_ about that."

Jude didn't say anything, he just continued staring at him. So Connor continued. "And I don't wanna stop hanging out with you. Whether it's because of the fact that you're my best friend, or whether it's the fact that you could be something… _else_."

Jude looked down at the ground again, smiling brightly. Immediately, he looked back up, knowing that Connor would tell him to if he didn't. Although he tried forcing the smile away, oddly enough, it managed to always find his way back to him.

"I don't wanna stop hanging out with you either," Jude stated, the same smile still plastered onto his face. "You're the only true friend I've ever really had. And, you're also the closest thing I've ever got to 'something else'."

Connor laughed, and Jude recited it. Suddenly, the energy in the room became much brighter.

"Glad to know that." And before Jude knew what he was doing, he felt Connor fully grasp onto his hand, and lead him out of the bathroom. The gesture made the two of them feel odd sparks of electricity, yet neither of them showed it onto their faces. Leaving both boys curious whether or not the other felt the same way.

"Sucks that you'll have to let go when we reunite with the public and the girls," Jude laughed.

"Maybe I don't have to. Maybe you don't have stay my secret. I thought you didn't want to be anybody's secret."

"I don't. But maybe right now, we both need to stay secrets for each other's sake. To figure things out on a deeper level."

"I guess you're right," Connor agreed. But then he just squeezed onto Jude's hand, and held it tighter. "We do need to figure things out."

And although they needed to clarify their true feelings, there was one thing that was certain. Neither of them wanted to be the first one to have to end up letting go.

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**Tell me how you guys like it!**


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